By Carl A. Trapani, MA, MS, LPC, Chippewa Manor Campus Chaplain
There is a common misconception that aging brings a decline in physical, emotional and mental capacities. But simply growing older has nothing to do with one’s ability to love, feel and experience sentiment. Love is timeless. And when fostered to its fullness – the Apostle Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 13:8 suggest that “it never fails.”
Love’s decline only comes when we no longer wish to connect with others. This may be due to being hurt in the past or being afraid that showing love may make us appear weak. But while love requires you to be vulnerable, it also brings the possibility of life’s greatest joys.
C.S. Lewis addressed this in his book, The Four Loves. “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
Theodore Roethke said, “Love is not love until love’s vulnerable.” And Alfred Lord Tennyson’s famous words still echo with truth. "I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all."
Life teaches us that love is one of the greatest gifts of humankind, and for all the risks and vulnerability we face in expressing it – it has an innate power that surpasses all that resist it.
Edwin Markham wrote a poem that is a straightforward reminder of the power of love to unify and bring together. “He drew a circle that shut me out-Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. But love and I had the will to win: We drew a circle and took him In!”
Bringing about unity is no accidental or easy task. Loving others requires passion and commitment. Others may treat us as heretics, rebels, or enemies, yet if we respond to them in love, we all win!
Are you showing your love fearlessly and selflessly? If not, what is stopping you? Those who don’t connect with others may have been hurt in the past. Showing love may make you appear vulnerable. But showing love and concern for another is not weakness. It is a sign of strength. Let me encourage you. Take a bit of a risk, allow yourself to be vulnerable sometimes, and show your love because most times you win!
Here are some ways you can fearlessly and timelessly show the power of love.
1. Listen
People want and crave to be heard. Don’t you? Most of us want to be acknowledged and appreciated as an individual. We want to feel important, to be less anonymous and more accounted for. We want to feel useful and loved for what we have to offer. When you listen, you make the other person feel seen and understood, accounted for and accepted. Pay attention to what others are saying, and affirm them for doing so.
2. Keep your promises
Do what you promised to do. No matter how difficult it may be. When you marry you make vows which are promises to your mate. Keeping your promises is proof of your love. Breaking a promise is the same as breaking your love. To all those you love – treat promises as sacred. Being true to your word demonstrates your devotion and commitment to them.
3. Be generous
Share and offer things without expecting anything in return. Do it only for the pleasure of giving and the good feelings the other person feels. Loving is giving. Whether great or small each gift expresses the love of the giver.
4. Share time and experiences
Show interest and acceptance for what your loved one is passionate about. Don’t dismiss it as nothing, stupid or silly, even if you don’t get what others enjoy about it. One of the most mentioned reasons for a breakup is this one: “We never did anything together.” Or “She/he never showed any interest in what I’m doing or what I like. Doing things with others strengthens the bonds of friendship and love between you.
5. Tell others you love them
I haven’t mentioned so far (because it is implied), that you should not only show your love but say it as well. I have heard far too many people say, “My mother never said to me “I love you.” Or, “maybe she did... I don’t know; she never told me.” Don’t leave your loved ones in doubt. Tell them you love them. Do it often, and with feeling.
Don’t expect people to know you love them just because you are generous or attentive. People need to hear the words as well as see the acts of love. When you say “I love you” it validates and confirms your actions; it is an unwritten contract of affection between you and those you love.
Start today. Regardless of your age, your background or your experiences. Show and share your love. Tomorrow will be brighter and better because of the love you expressed today.
Carl Trapani, MA, MS, LPC serves as campus Chaplain at Chippewa Manor. He has more than 50 years of pastoral service and professional counseling experience. For more information please call (715) 723-4437 or email him at carl.trapani@chippewamanor.com.
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